A colossal cathedral is illuminated by torches and moonlight. A group of hooded figures kneel in front of a gigantic snake statue. The enormity of the statue dwarfs everything around it, radiating the sense of dread and awe.

A lanky old man with a wispy unkempt beard raises his hands to the statue. "Oh, Serpentor, our lord and master! May your fangs be long and your skin scaly! Today we implore you to grant us your snake powers, so we may use them to defeat your enemies! In your honor, we bring you this gift!"

He snaps his fingers, and two hooded figures bring out a girl, who looks around in fear and struggles against her restraints. The emeralds of the snake's eyes dispassionately regard the scene.

The cult leader raises an ornate dagger over the girl's chest, preparing to strike.

An icy voice, like a thousand freezing whispers, thunders from the snake's mouth. "Hey, what in the s-s-seven hellsss are you doing?"

The cult leader stops his attack, the dagger inches away from the girl's heart. Regaining his composure, he replies, "I am sacrificing this maiden in the name of your glory, oh, the sinister one!"

"That's messsed up, man," the snake replies. "Did anyone asssk you to ssacrifice maidenss to me?"

The cult leader looks confused. "No, but I assumed..."

"Oh, he asssumed! What, just because I'm an eldritch ssnake god, I automatically mussst thirsst for the blood of virginss?"

"My humble apologies, your slitheriness. That's what we thought. Would you perhaps prefer a little boy, or an old lady?"

"Dude, you need to relaxsss," sighs the snake in frustration. "I just like to curl up on a warm boulder, and perhapss eat a mouse once in awhile. But you humanss look at me, and instantly assume the worsst. Honesstly, this iss bad for my ssnake-essteem. What am I, a monsster?"

The girl breaks free from the distracted cultists, and addresses the snake. "These guys are just jerks, don't mind them. I don't think you're a monster."

"See? She gets it." the emerald eyes emit two green laser beams, carefully cutting the ropes around the girl. "If you wish to praisse me, then lounge on a big rock, and bask in a warm sunbeam. Enjoy the warmth of the ssand as you wiggle through it. Or lay some eggss and raisse them well. Now sscatter, you foolss!"

The cultists cower in fear and flee.

The snake head turns to the girl. "Wanna play ssome ssnakes and ladderss?"